self reflections: insecurities laid bare.

I am 24 years old. I have no idea how the world works. I don’t know thing one about anything. I am an expert in nothing, and know very little about anything. I have no pedigree worth anything, no social capital, and no money to speak of. I have no traction with anyone important. I am losing the best years of my life. I am squandering them. Wasting moments. Wasting precious days. I will likely die alone, in mediocrity, having done nothing of note, worth remembering. I have no great talents. I only have ambitions and dreams that far outstrip my abilities, connections, intelligence, and mean potential. I want exponentially better than what I have, but I have no real feasible plan. It is all based on conjecture, and the hope that I will be lucky. I am falling behind. I am not Ivy League educated, I don’t have a real understanding of the global state of affairs, I don’t know Law, or Business or international finance. I don’t know what I need to know in order to win. I am not smart enough, clever enough, learned enough, connected enough, or talented enough. I will be forced to settle for mediocrity. 

The only thing I have is the fire in my soul, and the will to keep fighting for my dreams and ambitions. I demand nothing short of excellence and greatness of myself. 

The odds are strongly against me. I will likely fail. And I as nothing will sink into nothingness. Thus is Nirvana: nothing absorbed by nothing. Blackness soaking up blackness. Finality.

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One thought on “self reflections: insecurities laid bare.

  1. The fire in your soul will keep you warm and fueled, and if you keep striving, your dreams and ambitions will be seen through. Keep your chin up, and keep putting one foot in front of the other until you reach the summit of your goals.

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